When Connection Slips: What I Got Wrong, What Helped and Why It Changed Sleep Too

In the rhythm of parenting, there are days that run smoothly—and then there are the days when everything feels a little off. Recently, I experienced one of those evenings that reminded me just how crucial connection is for our children. It also reminded me how easily it can slip when life gets busy, and how that disconnection shows up most clearly at bedtime. In this blog, I’ll share what happened, what I got wrong, and the simple changes that helped—and surprisingly, improved sleep too.

The Missed Connection Moment

It was one of those hectic days. My husband was away for work on a FIFO (Fly-In, Fly-Out) schedule, and I was solo parenting. The day was packed: the kids were at school, followed by time at Grandma’s house, while I had work commitments and a presentation that evening.

By the time I picked the kids up, their physical needs were met—they were fed, clean, and ready for bed. But their connection cups? Completely empty. I barely had 45 minutes with them before I was back on a work call. Rushed story times, glances at the clock, skipped bedtime routines—everything felt hurried. And the fallout? It came quickly.

What I Noticed (And Why It Mattered)

Connection isn’t just about spending time together—it’s about quality time. That evening, each of my children reacted differently:

• My youngest resisted bedtime rituals and became unsettled, feeling my rushed energy.

• My middle child, usually calm and easy-going, couldn’t settle and was wide awake hours later.

• My eldest, a teenager, didn’t articulate the need for connection, but showed it through subtle requests like asking me to brush his teeth—something he hadn’t needed help with in years.

Every reaction was a red flag waving: “Mum, I haven’t had enough of you today.”

Why Connection Impacts Sleep

When children’s emotional cups aren’t filled, it can manifest in clinginess, delayed sleep, night waking, and challenging behaviour. Connection acts as a bridge that helps them transition into rest. It signals safety, belonging, and emotional security—prerequisites for peaceful sleep.

But beyond sleep, connection is a fundamental human need. The more connected our children feel, the more settled they are. The less they feel connected, the more they seek it—sometimes in ways that can feel frustrating as a parent.

The Parenting Reset: What Helped

The next day, I took a step back to reflect and reset. Here’s what I did differently—and what I now recommend to every parent:

1. Prioritise Connection Early in the Day

A simple 10 minutes of undivided one-on-one time before the day starts worked magic. It reduced clinginess later, bought me space for tasks, and made our mornings calmer.

2. Create Predictable Connection Points

Children crave predictability. I committed to small rituals: a funny handshake before bed, reading a favourite book, or simply sitting with them while they had breakfast. These predictable moments helped fill their cups gradually throughout the day.

3. Shift the Focus from “Behaviour” to “Connection Need”

Instead of labelling behaviours as “attention-seeking,” I reframed them as connection-seeking. This small mindset shift helped me respond with empathy rather than frustration.

4. Use Transition Times to Connect

Rather than rushing through bedtimes or transitions, I started incorporating “taxi rides”—moments that bridge busy playtimes to quiet wind-down. A quiet chat, a song while walking to bed, or cuddles before turning off the light made separations feel smoother.

5. Lead with Self-Care and Self-Regulation

When I’m tired and disconnected from myself, I have less capacity for my kids. I made a conscious effort to recharge—whether through a quick coffee break, a walk, or a mindful shower. When my cup was fuller, it was easier to connect with them.

The Connection-Co-Regulation Loop

The biggest takeaway? Connection fuels co-regulation, which makes parenting feel less like a battlefield. When children feel connected, they are more open to co-regulation. They settle easier, respond to boundaries better, and sleep more soundly.

There’s a simple but powerful loop in parenting:
Self-care → Self-regulation → Connection → Co-regulation → Smoother Parenting Moments → Back to Self-care.

I visualise it like a circle. It all starts with filling our own cup so we can fill theirs.

For the Days You Miss It—It’s Okay

Parenting isn’t about perfection. There are days when work takes priority, when stress runs high, and when you miss connection moments. That’s okay. I’ve been there too. The good news? Every day offers a fresh chance to reconnect. You can always reset with one simple question:

“How can I connect with my child today?”

Even a small smile, a kind word, or a short cuddle can make a world of difference.

Final Thought: It’s Always Connection

Whether it’s tantrums, bedtime struggles, or sibling fights, connection is usually at the root. When we see our children through the lens of connection needs, it softens our response and strengthens our relationship.

And in the process? It transforms not just their behaviour, but our parenting experience too.

✨ Your takeaway challenge: Before today ends, spend 10 distraction-free minutes connecting with your child. No phones. No rush. Just presence. Watch how it shifts the energy in your home.

If you found this helpful, share this with a fellow parent who might be struggling through a disconnected season. We are in this together, learning and growing with our children. 💛