Postpartum Rage Isn’t a Failure: One Mum’s Story and the Tools That Helped

Postpartum rage can feel like the parenting secret no one warned you about.

Not the “I’m tired” kind of frustration.
Not the “this is hard” kind of overwhelm.

The kind that rises fast, feels uncontrollable, and leaves you staring at yourself afterwards thinking, Who even am I right now?

In this episode of the Thriving Parenting Podcast, Jen sits down with Beth Caniglia (mum of two, business owner, brand strategist, speaker, and storyteller) to talk about postpartum rage with honesty, humour, and the kind of vulnerability that makes other mums exhale and whisper, Me too.

This is not a story about being a “bad mum”.
This is a story about a nervous system pushed past capacity and the tools that helped Beth find her way back to herself.

When One Baby Felt Manageable and Two Felt Impossible

Beth describes becoming a mum of one as challenging but doable.

With her first child, Belle, she had more freedom to meet her daughter’s needs while still meeting her own. Her baby slept well, her husband was present, and life found a rhythm.

Then came baby number two, Isaac.

He was born three days before Belle turned two.
Two under two. In the most literal sense.

And suddenly, Beth wasn’t caring for “a toddler and a newborn”. She was caring for what felt like two babies at once.

As Beth put it, her daughter couldn’t:

• get her own food

• turn on lights

• use the toilet

• communicate clearly

• do much independently at all

And the hardest part wasn’t just the workload.

It was the emotional weight of this moment on repeat:

Both kids need you. Both want different things. And you can’t be in two places at once.

That constant split, that constant choosing, that constant feeling of failing someone… it builds.

And for Beth, it eventually became the trigger point for rage.

The Grace Period That Made It More Confusing

Here’s the part that surprises a lot of mums.

Beth didn’t crash immediately.

She had a beautiful home birth. Oxytocin was flowing. Her baby slept well for the first three months. Her toddler was still sleeping through the night.

From the outside, it looked like she was winning.

From the inside, it felt like she was coping.

Until everything shifted at once:

• her toddler moved into a big girl bed

• her newborn became noisier and harder to settle

• both kids started waking multiple times a night

• Beth went from decent sleep to 8 to 10 wake-ups a night

That’s when she says the “rails fell off”.

She went from thriving mode to survival mode.

And survival mode doesn’t bring out your best self. It brings out your most raw, stretched, exhausted self.

What Postpartum Rage Looked Like for Beth

Beth didn’t describe rage as a personality change.

She described it as moments where she suddenly had zero capacity left.

At first, she’d had a couple of rare moments with her first child where she yelled in a way that shocked her. But it was the exception.

After her second baby, it became frequent.

Sometimes daily. Sometimes multiple times a day.

She describes “banshee screaming”. She’d scare her kids, scare herself, then spiral into shame.

And because no one really talks about postpartum rage, she thought:

• I’m crazy now.

• I’m ruining my kids.

• The neighbours are going to hear me and think I’m a psychopath.

• I’m the worst mother to exist.

That shame spiral is important. Because it doesn’t just hurt emotionally.

It keeps you stuck.

When shame becomes your identity, you stop looking for support. You start hiding.

The Hidden Pattern Behind “It Came Out of Nowhere”

One of the biggest breakthroughs Beth shares is this:

Her anger didn’t come out of nowhere.
It just felt like it did.

Beth calls herself an “oldest daughter people pleaser”, and she’d become very good at pushing her needs down.

She didn’t notice frustration building.

She ignored it. She swallowed it. She overrode it.

Until the smallest thing tipped her over the edge… and the anger exploded.

This is one of the most validating truths for so many mums:

Rage is often not the moment. Rage is the build-up.

It’s the thousand tiny stressors that never got an outlet.

“You Can Be a Regulated Person… Until You Have Kids”

Beth had spent years working on herself before motherhood.
Psychology. Yoga. Retreats. Personal development. Nervous system tools.

And still, parenting broke her open.

Jen reflects on why:

Before kids, you can choose your discomfort. You can control your environment more.

Parenting removes that control.

Kids bring:

• unpredictability

• noise

• mess

• constant needs

• emotional intensity

• daily “button pushing” (because that’s literally how children learn)

And if your system is already depleted, your nervous system doesn’t respond with patience.

It responds with survival.

Fight. Flight. Freeze.

Beth’s system went into fight: anger and rage.
Jen shares her system went into freeze: disconnecting and becoming a shell.

Different responses, same truth:

Dysregulation can look loud or silent. Either way, it needs support.

The Tools That Helped Beth (Because It Wasn’t One Magic Fix)

Beth is very clear: it wasn’t one thing that “fixed” her.

It was a series of supports layered over time that helped her rebuild capacity.

Here are the tools she shares, and why they mattered.

1) Seeing a Psychologist

Beth calls it proactive mental health management.

Not because she “had something wrong with her”, but because she needed support to unpack what was happening and find a way through.

2) Breathwork (Simple and Doable)

Beth found a short, free, five-day breathwork course and committed to it.

The key detail: it was manageable.
Five to ten minutes felt possible, even in the chaos.

Breathwork helped because it’s one of the fastest ways to shift physiology:

• slower breathing signals safety

• the nervous system downshifts

• your body has more access to choice

3) Movement as Regulation

Beth already knew movement helped her, but yoga no longer felt like the right fit in this season.

So she found a new way to move through an online program and committed to it.

This matters for one huge reason:

Anger is energy.
And energy needs an exit.

Movement helps the body discharge stress instead of storing it.

4) Addressing Food Control and “Hangry” Cycles

Beth shares something many mums will quietly relate to.

In the chaos of motherhood, food became a control point.

She was stuck in binging and restricting, hungry much of the day, obsessing about food, then feeling guilty.

When she addressed this cycle, her rage dropped significantly within a week.

Because when your blood sugar is all over the place, and you’re constantly hungry, your nervous system doesn’t have a stable base.

You are living on a short fuse.

Beth’s point isn’t that one choice is right for everyone.

It’s that postpartum rage is often multifactorial and can be influenced by things we don’t realise are pushing us closer to the edge.

5) Circle of Security and “Shark Music”

Beth describes Circle of Security as one of the most helpful parenting tools she ever found.

The standout concept?

Shark music.

That internal Jaws theme that starts playing when you feel like something “bad” is happening… even if it’s not actually dangerous.

It’s not the situation.
It’s what the situation triggers in you.

Beth learned to notice the early signs:

• agitation

• frustration

• irritation

• tension

And she started naming it out loud:

“I’m feeling really frustrated right now.”

Not as a threat.
As a pressure valve.

Naming it releases just enough steam to create a pause.

6) Humming or Singing to Regulate

This is one of the most practical, brilliant tools from the episode.

Beth realised “just take deep breaths” didn’t work for her in the moment. It felt annoying and unrealistic.

But humming a calming song did.

She loves Edelweiss from The Sound of Music, and she’ll step into another room and hum it.

Why it works:

• it naturally slows your breathing

• it lengthens the exhale

• it shifts your body out of fight mode

• it feels more pleasant than forced breathing

Jen adds that it’s hard for your nervous system to stay in fight/flight while singing.

It’s breathwork in disguise.

7) Shaking It Out

Another simple “exit” tool: shaking your arms, hands, or body to release stored activation.

Again, anger needs an exit.

Shaking is the body’s natural way of discharging stress.

If This Is You, Beth Wants You to Know This

Beth’s message to mums experiencing rage is clear:

You are normal.

And modern parenting can be brutally hard, especially without a village.

If you’re raising children with just you and your partner (or alone), you’re doing one of the hardest versions of parenting there is.

Beth encourages mums to:

• ask for help (meals, outings, childcare, any pressure release)

• lean on whoever is safe

• stop trying to carry it all silently

• remember your kids are almost never trying to hurt you, they’re trying to learn the world

What Beth Is Most Proud Of

When Jen asks Beth what she’s most proud of, Beth doesn’t say “that I fixed it”.

She says:

“I’m glad I didn’t let it become who I am.”

She’s proud she did something.
She sought support.
She kept working.
She didn’t accept rage as her new identity.

And now, her husband describes her as lighthearted again.

That matters.

Because rage might be part of your story right now… but it doesn’t have to be the ending.

A Grounding Quote to Leave You With

Beth shares a principle that helps her parent with less force and more trust:

Minimum rules. Minimum force.

It’s a reminder that children thrive with simplicity, safety, and space to learn.

And for mums, it’s a reminder that your nervous system deserves gentleness too.

If You’re Experiencing Postpartum Rage

If you’re reading this and feeling a lump in your throat because it sounds like your home, here’s what I want you to hear:

Postpartum rage isn’t a failure.
It’s a signal.

A signal that your nervous system is overloaded.
A signal that your needs matter too.
A signal that support is not optional, it’s essential.

You don’t need to become a different person.
You need tools, rest, and enough support to come back to yourself.