Mirror, Mentor, Mother: Nurturing Self-Love and Relationships While Raising Others

When we become parents, the world shifts. Suddenly, the needs of tiny humans seem to eclipse our own. Sleepless nights, tantrums, and daily survival can make self-love feel like an indulgent luxury — something to be squeezed into rare, stolen moments rather than woven into the fabric of everyday life.

But what if self-love isn’t a luxury at all?
What if it's the very foundation of how we love and raise others?

In today’s conversation on Thriving Parenting, we explored this vital — and often overlooked — truth with self-love and relationship coach, Lisa Sarayeldin. Together, we unpacked how embracing self-love doesn’t take away from your family; it strengthens it. And how nurturing your own emotional health becomes the ultimate act of leadership for your children and relationships.

Here’s what we uncovered:

The Forgotten Art of Self-Love in Parenthood

Lisa shared what so many parents feel but rarely say aloud: self-love can feel impossible in the early years. When you're purely surviving — feeding, cleaning, comforting, juggling — who has the time to think about boundaries, nourishment, or self-respect?

Yet, self-love is not day spas and weekend getaways (though those are lovely when possible). It's about:

• Respecting your own limits.

• Setting healthy boundaries.

• Giving yourself permission to be imperfect.

• Speaking to yourself with the same kindness you'd give a dear friend.

In short, it's about meeting yourself where you are, even in the chaos.

Parenting as a Mirror

Our children are our mirrors. They reflect back the parts of ourselves that still need healing — our impatience, our perfectionism, our unmet needs.

Lisa explained how parenthood can trigger old wounds we didn’t even realise we carried. It's a profound, messy invitation to unlearn societal conditioning — the belief that being a "good parent" means total selflessness — and to build a healthier model of love: one rooted in respect for ourselves first.

When we model self-respect, emotional regulation, and self-compassion, we teach our children — far more than any words — how to love themselves too.

Signs You Might Be Running on Empty

Lisa highlighted some clear indicators that self-love needs tending:

• Constant self-neglect (skipping meals, pushing through exhaustion)

• Over-apologising for small things

• Feeling guilty for resting or setting boundaries

• Saying yes when your body screams no

These aren’t just bad habits. They are signals. Red flags.
When we ignore them, resentment and burnout follow — often showing up first in our relationships with partners, children, and ourselves.

Tiny, Powerful Acts of Self-Love

One of the most empowering takeaways from the episode was this:
Self-love doesn’t have to be grand to be transformative.

Small, intentional actions matter.
Examples include:

• Placing your hand over your heart and affirming, "I am enough."

• Taking five minutes to breathe deeply or sit with a cup of tea — without distractions.

• Drinking water before reaching for another coffee.

• Asking yourself daily, "What do I need right now?" — and listening.

Intentionality is the key.
It's not about the size of the action. It's about the meaning behind it.

How Self-Love Strengthens Relationships

It’s a common trap: pouring every ounce of energy into our children, leaving our partners with the emotional leftovers — if anything at all.

But as Lisa beautifully explained, the route to stronger romantic relationships is not straight from kids to partner. It’s:

Kids ➔ Self ➔ Partner

When you fill your own cup, you naturally have more patience, presence, and love to give.
When you skip yourself, connection becomes another "task" — and resentment grows.

Even just 90 minutes a week — intentionally spent connecting with your partner (whether on a walk, a couch chat, or a shared project) — can shift the entire dynamic.

Communication, Connection, and Conscious Choice

One of the biggest relationship killers Lisa highlighted is poor timing and poor communication.
We often try to "fix" things mid-argument — when defences are high and hearts are closed.

Instead, she encourages intentional check-ins:

• Use "I" statements rather than blame ("I feel disconnected" vs. "You never listen").

• Set aside calm, undistracted time for honest conversations.

• Listen not to reply — but to understand.

• Recognise that growth and parenting are messy — and that’s normal.

Relationships thrive when both partners consciously choose to nurture the connection, even in the busiest seasons.

Your Children Are Watching

Perhaps one of the most powerful ideas from this episode is this:

Your children are learning about love, self-worth, and emotional resilience by watching you.

Not just by watching how you treat them — but how you treat yourself.
Are you kind to yourself?
Do you allow yourself rest?
Do you ask for help?
Do you forgive your mistakes?

This modelling matters — maybe even more than the rules we set or the lessons we teach.

Final Reflection

Being a mirror, mentor, and mother is no small task. It asks us to grow constantly, to forgive ourselves daily, and to lead not through perfection, but through authenticity.

You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Self-love isn't selfish. It’s essential.

By nurturing yourself, you nurture the very relationships that matter most — with your children, your partner, and the world around you.

So today, Thrivers, ask yourself:
- What small act of love can I give myself today?
- How can I model the love I hope my children will one day give themselves and others?

You are worthy of love — not just as a parent, but as a person.