Is This Normal? Postpartum Anxiety & Intrusive Thoughts with Dr Bianca Mastromanno
There’s a question almost every new mum asks, sometimes out loud, often in silence.
Is this normal?
Is it normal to feel on edge all the time?
To replay “what if” scenarios on a loop?
To lie awake even when the baby is asleep, because your mind won’t switch off?
To have a sudden, unwanted thought that shocks you so much you wonder what it says about you?
If you’ve ever had any of those moments, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
In this episode of Thriving Parenting, Jen sits down again with Dr Bianca Mastromanno, a perinatal clinical psychologist, to bring clarity and compassion to a topic that’s incredibly common, but still not talked about enough: postpartum anxiety and intrusive thoughts.
This article unpacks the key insights from their conversation so you can feel more grounded, more reassured, and more supported.
Why every new mum Googles: “Is this normal?”
Bianca explains that “Is this normal?” becomes the default question in postpartum because we’re prepared for the practical stuff, but not the mental stuff.
Many parents do birth classes. Feeding classes. You might even learn how to swaddle or change nappies.
But very few people are truly prepared for:
the emotional intensity of motherhood
the mental load
the anxiety shift
intrusive thoughts
how vulnerable you can feel in your own mind
So when things feel unfamiliar or intense, your brain tries to orient itself.
Is this me?
Is this everyone?
Should I be worried?
That question isn’t weakness. It’s your system trying to make sense of new territory.
Maternal preoccupation: the brain shift nobody warns you about
One of the most reassuring parts of this conversation is learning the term maternal preoccupation (from Winnicott).
In simple terms, maternal preoccupation is a normal psychological and biological shift that often begins in pregnancy and peaks in early postpartum.
It can look like:
thinking about the baby constantly
scanning the environment for risks
feeling hyperaware of temperature, breathing, sleep, feeding, safety
feeling “on edge” even when nothing is happening
being highly attuned to cues and changes
Bianca describes it as the brain’s way of protecting a fragile, dependent human.
Your baby can’t detect threats or meet their needs alone.
So your nervous system becomes their alarm system.
That heightened vigilance can feel like anxiety, and for many mums, it is anxiety, but it’s often anxiety that has a purpose.
Not pleasant, but functional.
Does it ever dial back?
Yes, usually.
Bianca explains that maternal preoccupation tends to be most intense in the first 6 to 12 months.
Over time, it can ease as:
babies become more robust physically
parents learn cues through lived experience
confidence grows through doing, not knowing
you begin to trust your baby’s resilience (and your own capacity)
It doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means your system isn’t in full “newborn survival mode” forever.
But Bianca also notes something important:
For some parents, anxiety doesn’t taper on its own, especially if it begins turning into compulsive checking, avoidance, or obsessive loops.
That’s where support can make a huge difference.
Intrusive thoughts: what they are, and what they don’t mean
Let’s name the thing so many parents carry in silence.
Intrusive thoughts are automatic, unwanted thoughts that pop into your mind. Often they’re harm-related, safety-related, or worst-case scenario thoughts.
Examples Bianca and Jen mention include thoughts like:
“What if the pram gets hit by a car?”
“What if I drop the baby down the stairs?”
“What if the baby stops breathing?”
“What if something falls into the cot?”
“What if I can’t trust myself near this balcony?”
The part that makes them so distressing is how sudden and vivid they can feel.
You might have the thought and instantly feel:
panic
shame
fear
confusion
“Why would my brain even go there?”
Here’s the key reassurance Bianca shares:
Intrusive thoughts are extremely common in postpartum.
And having them does not mean you want them.
It doesn’t mean you’re dangerous.
It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent.
It doesn’t mean you’ll act on them.
In fact, Bianca explains something many people don’t realise:
Intrusive thoughts often show up because you care deeply.
They can be part of the brain’s threat-scanning system.
Your mind is running safety simulations, not giving you a desire.
The moment to watch for: when thoughts start changing behaviour
A helpful marker Bianca offers is this:
Intrusive thoughts become more concerning when you start treating them as facts you must respond to.
That can look like:
avoiding stairs entirely
refusing to leave the house
changing routines out of fear
checking a monitor constantly for relief
repeatedly seeking reassurance
feeling like you have to do a behaviour “five times” to feel safe
This is where the thought loop can become self-feeding:
Thought appears
Anxiety spikes
You check/avoid/compensate
Temporary relief
Thought returns more strongly
The cycle grows
If you can relate to that, it’s not a sign you’re failing.
It’s a sign your nervous system needs support.
A simple tool: name the thought, don’t merge with it
Bianca shares a practical strategy psychologists use called cognitive diffusion.
Instead of thinking:
“What if I drop my baby down the stairs?”
You shift to:
“I’m noticing a thought about dropping my baby down the stairs.”
That one sentence creates space.
It reminds your brain:
this is a thought
not a warning
not a prediction
not a plan
not your identity
You can also use gentle humour if that suits you:
“Oh, my brain is playing the horror movie again.”
No forcing it away. No fighting it. Just noticing it.
Then, Bianca recommends using your senses to come back to the present:
look around the room and name what you see
take a drink of water and feel it move down your throat
put your feet on the ground
smell your baby’s head
breathe slower for a moment
Not as a “perfect technique”, but as a small anchor back to reality.
The impact of social media on postpartum anxiety
This part is big.
Bianca speaks about how social media can unintentionally amplify postpartum fear.
Because algorithms often prioritise:
extreme stories
graphic “one in a million” incidents
fear-based content
urgency-based messaging
Even if the intention is education, the effect can be:
Your brain absorbs more “threat material”, and intrusive thoughts have more fuel.
When you’re already biologically hypervigilant, this can tip you into feeling like the world is unsafe everywhere.
If your feed is making you more anxious, it’s okay to curate it.
Your mental health matters more than staying “informed”.
Sleep deprivation: the most underrated mental health factor
Both Jen and Bianca return to this again and again:
Intrusive thoughts worsen when you’re sleep deprived.
That doesn’t mean your baby is doing anything wrong. Babies wake. That’s normal.
But it does mean:
Extreme, ongoing sleep deprivation can sensitise the nervous system so much that your mind becomes louder, harsher, and more “sticky”.
Bianca shares a practical suggestion many parents overlook:
Even if you’re breastfeeding, try to protect a block of 4–5 hours of sleep where possible.
That might mean:
a partner brings the baby in for feeds and resettles after
splitting nights
getting support from family
rotating early mornings
napping with support where possible
It won’t solve everything, but it can reduce the intensity of intrusive loops dramatically.
Small nervous system supports that actually help postpartum
Not the fancy stuff. The basics.
Bianca shares a few realistic nervous system supports that can make a difference:
Hydration (postpartum is surprisingly dehydrating and sweaty)
Nutrition (even small upgrades count, no perfection needed)
Sunlight (five minutes outside still counts)
Movement or stretching (even ten minutes in the lounge room)
Music for you, not just kids’ music
Micro-moments of sensory grounding during the day
Jen describes these as little “commas” in your day. Tiny pauses that help your body come down a notch.
Not a complete reset. Just a soft landing.
When to reach out for support
Bianca names something that stops many parents from seeking help:
Fear of being judged.
Fear that saying “I had a thought about harm” means someone will question your ability to parent.
Bianca is clear:
Perinatal-trained psychologists understand intrusive thoughts.
They know intrusive thoughts do not increase the likelihood of harm.
They are treatable.
And help is safe.
If you’re in Australia, Jen and Bianca also mention PANDA as a supportive first step if talking to someone in person feels too big right now.
PANDA can offer:
information
reassurance
guidance
links to appropriate care
support while you’re waiting for services
If you’re reading this and quietly nodding…
Let this land:
You are not alone.
You are not a bad mum.
Your brain is not broken.
Postpartum can bring powerful nervous system shifts, and sometimes your mind expresses that through intrusive thoughts and heightened anxiety.
You don’t have to muscle through it silently.
You deserve support that is gentle, informed, and judgement-free.
And yes, that looping question can finally be answered:
A lot of this is normal.
And if it’s impacting your life, help is normal too.
