Which Parenting Style Are You? Unpacking the Trends and Finding What Works
Welcome Thrivers to another episode of Thriving Parenting. In today’s blog, we’re delving into parenting styles—not necessarily in the way you might expect—but in a way that combines experience and perspective to help you navigate this important aspect of parenting.
Exploring Parenting Styles
This topic on parenting styles was actually suggested by one of my clients when I first launched the podcast. They wanted to hear more about parenting styles, so here we are.
Psychologists have identified four main styles of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. These broad categories are often supplemented by sub-styles like gentle parenting, attachment parenting, mindful parenting, free-range parenting, and helicopter parenting.
The Challenge of Choosing a Style
The sheer abundance of parenting styles can feel overwhelming, especially when we’re trying to find our feet as new parents. It’s natural to feel vulnerable and look for a sense of belonging by aligning with a particular style. However, the challenge arises when we feel pressured to follow a parenting style to the letter, shutting out our internal instincts and emotions in the process.
Some parenting styles come with specific sets of rules, and attempting to adhere strictly to these rules can lead to anxiety if things don’t go as planned. It’s especially tough when the style doesn’t seem to align with our own or our baby’s needs, leaving us feeling lost and vulnerable.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parenting, also known as balanced parenting, is widely regarded as the most effective. It provides both security and support, identifying children as unique individuals and guiding them without punishment or strict control. This style fosters secure attachment through nurturing responsiveness and respect for the child’s individual needs.
Three Key Questions
Children have three fundamental needs from their parents:
Am I loved?
Am I safe?
Am I seen and heard?
These needs can be met through connection, nurturing, responsive support, providing firm but kind boundaries, and welcoming their emotions as part of their developing emotional regulation.
The Role of Sub-Styles
Sub-parenting styles like gentle parenting, attachment parenting, and mindful parenting aim to balance warmth and structure. These styles foster mutual respect and secure attachment, essential for building emotional intelligence, kindness, compassion, and resilience in children.
Navigating the Extremes
However, extreme adherence to any one sub-style can trigger stress and anxiety in parents, especially when faced with fear-driven information promoting rigid adherence to a particular style. It’s crucial to find a middle ground and remember that various methods can raise a healthy, securely attached child.
Trusting Yourself
Above all, trust yourself as a parent. Listen to your inner dialogue and body’s signals about what feels right. Incorporate what aligns with you and your child, and don’t feel pressured to fit into any one box.
Case Study: Tailored Support in Action
One of my clients, committed to attachment parenting, found the physical demands exhausting alongside her responsibilities as a working mum. We worked together to gradually adjust her approach, ensuring her child still received the secure attachment while allowing the mother some much-needed rest.
Three weeks later, the transformation was remarkable. The child was settling herself to sleep with minimal assistance, and the mother regained her confidence and vitality. This case illustrates the importance of tailored support and flexibility in parenting.
Embrace the Journey
Remember, parenting is a journey of exploring, experimenting, making mistakes, and evolving. You may start with one style and naturally shift as your child grows and their needs change. Parenting isn’t about perfection but about being aware of different approaches and adapting them to fit your unique circumstances.
“Together, may we give our children the roots to grow and the wings to fly.”
Our children should always know they have our support but also the freedom to grow independently.
Remember, Thrivers, our children are not here to fill gaps in our lives but to be nurtured into their own full, unique selves.
Happy parenting, and until next time.