Why Do I Feel So Stressed As A Parent?! Simple Breakdown For These Normal Feelings We ALL Have
What is Stress?
Stress is a term we frequently hear, but defining it can be elusive. Feeling overwhelmed and stressed is a common experience for parents, as it indicates they are no longer in control. Parenting challenges one's control, given that children are unique individuals. The key is to manage our actions, words, and responses, rather than attempting to control our children. When we comprehend this, we can support our children effectively, reducing our stress.
The Fight, Flight, or Freeze Responses
Our stress responses are deeply ingrained survival mechanisms. Known as the fight, flight, or freeze responses, these are as ancient as humanity itself. Often referred to as the lizard brain or primitive brain, this part of our mind is perpetually on high alert to ensure survival. Initially essential for evading predators such as sabre-toothed tigers, today, these threats are non-existent. However, our brain has not adapted to modern-day threats, which are less about physical danger and more about everyday stresses.
Modern-Day Stressors
In contemporary society, stress manifests in various ways such as job interviews or learning to drive. These stressors trigger adrenaline and cortisol, contributing to personal growth by pushing us to confront and overcome challenges. Consequently, experiencing stress in manageable amounts can be beneficial and developmental.
The Role of the Prefrontal Cortex
To counter stress, we need to engage our prefrontal cortex—the logical, rational part of our brain that takes until our mid-twenties to fully develop. This brain region assists us in assessing situations logically, problem-solving, and understanding that current stressors are not life-threatening.
Chronic Stress and Its Effects
For those experiencing chronic stress or heightened anxiety due to parenting, it is crucial to understand the role of the primitive brain. When we are in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze, the primitive brain dominates, overshadowing the logical prefrontal cortex. Research indicates that individuals who frequently experience high stress, such as road rage, have an enlarged primitive brain, suggesting frequent activation of this stress response.
Breaking the Cycle of Stress
One critical step in managing stress is becoming consciously aware of our emotional triggers. Chronic stress often causes us to forget what it feels like to be calm. For example, a parent who had a traumatic start with their child might be easily triggered by their child's crying, as it reminds them of past difficulties. By identifying and addressing these underlying causes, we can begin to cultivate new, healthier responses.
The Power of Choice in Handling Stress
We can choose how we manage stress. When a stressful memory emerges, we can process it and reassure our bodies that it is okay, reducing its power over us. Through conscious awareness, tools, and support, we can rewire our brains and modify our responses to stress.
Stress is not what happens to us. It is our response to what happens.
Strategies for Reducing Parental Stress
Identify the Root Cause: Explore what stresses you most about parenting. Is it past experiences or a current lack of support?
Assess Your Life Aspects:
Physical: Are you caring for your body and eating well?
Emotional: Do you have emotional support and healthy outlets for your feelings?
Financial: Are financial stresses contributing to your burden?
Spiritual: Do you feel connected to your higher purpose or source?
Implement Quiet Time: Taking moments for oneself to reset and breathe can significantly reduce stress. Simple practices such as sitting quietly, walking in the garden, or practising mindfulness can deactivate the constant activation of the stress response.
Positive Recall: Remember and focus on the positive moments with your children, regardless of how small they may be. This shift in focus can remind you of your worth and capabilities as a parent.
Every day brings a choice to practice stress or to practice peace.
Until next time Thrivers!