Achieving Emotional Balance in Parenting: Key Signs & Solutions (Part 1)
Welcome to another episode of Thriving Parenting. Buckle up, this one's a ripper – it's bound to stir up some feelings. Give yourself permission to feel whatever washes over you, and remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself throughout. If you recognise any of these signs in your parenting journey, then this episode is your cup of tea.
In this episode, I’ll be talking about some signs that you might be letting your kid's emotions call the shots as a parent. We'll explore eight signs, and let me tell you upfront, I've been there, done that with all of them myself. For those who don't know me, I'm a mum of three – been at this parenting game for twelve years now. From my first bub to my third, I've gotten better at recognising, understanding, and taking control of these signs. It's all about learning and finding ways to address them.
While I can definitely empathise and relate to what you're going through, know that you too can start shifting and moving through these challenges. You might relate to all eight points, or maybe just a few – whatever it is, we can work on it together.
1. Taking Emotional Reactions Personally
It's normal to feel like your child's negativity is a reflection on your parenting skills. Heaps of parents beat themselves up when their kid throws a tantrum or has a cry, thinking it's all their fault. Society loves shoving emotions into "good" and "bad" boxes, which makes us feel guilty when our little ones don't act the way everyone expects.
2. Inconsistent Boundaries
Sometimes, our boundaries become as floppy as a wet flannel because we let our child's emotions dictate our actions. We might bend the rules based on how they're feeling, or avoid upsetting them altogether, which leads to wishy-washy discipline. Remember, discipline is about healthy limits, not punishment. Setting boundaries with love and respect is key.
3. Overcompensating
Running yourself ragged trying to make your child happy while neglecting your own well-being is another sign. This could mean pushing yourself to the physical limit to avoid seeing them upset. I've spoken to heaps of parents who've ended up with injuries or health problems from overdoing it in the care department. It's vital to find ways to co-regulate with your child without burning yourself out.
4. Avoiding Conflict
Letting your child get away with bad behaviour because you can't handle their negative emotions is another way we give their feelings too much power. Decide what truly matters in parenting and use that as your guide when setting boundaries. For example, avoiding conflict at bedtime might mean letting them use a device in bed because you don't want to deal with the tears.
5. Feeling Guilty
Mum guilt – it's a real thing. Feeling like a terrible parent because your child is unhappy is common. But remember, everyone makes mistakes. Every time things don't go perfectly is a chance to fix things up and teach your child about bouncing back and forgiveness.
6. Seeking Validation
Constantly needing reassurance about your parenting choices when your child is upset can be unhealthy. While it's okay to seek validation sometimes, needing it all the time can be draining. Trust yourself and your gut instincts.
7. Neglecting Self-Care
Ignoring your own emotional and physical needs to focus solely on your child's feelings is a recipe for burnout. Finding balance is crucial. Neglecting self-care will eventually affect your parenting and your relationships. Recognise your needs and nurture them so you can show up as your best self.
8. Emotional Enmeshment
Feeling like your own emotions are on a roller coaster that mirrors your child's emotional state can make it hard to set healthy boundaries. Your self-worth isn't tied to your parenting – it's separate. Allow yourself to feel your emotions without letting them define your worth as a parent. Crying is a healthy way to release stress, for example. It's okay for both you and your child to express your emotions – that's how we all maintain a balanced nervous system.
So, if this episode has struck a chord with you, don't worry – there's help available. The show notes have links to resources that can support you through this.
See you next week for part two!