Permission to Struggle: Embracing Discomfort in Parenting’s Hardest Moments
Parenting is one of the most fulfilling yet challenging journeys we undertake. But let’s be honest—there are moments when the discomfort feels overwhelming. Whether it’s managing tantrums, setting boundaries, or allowing your child to make mistakes, avoiding these uncomfortable experiences often seems like the easier choice. But what if leaning into discomfort was the key to growth—for you and your child?
In this blog post, we’ll explore why discomfort is a natural part of parenting, the common areas where we tend to avoid it, and how embracing it can lead to transformative growth. If you’ve ever felt stuck, frustrated, or unsure about how to handle tough moments, this is for you.
What Does Avoiding Discomfort in Parenting Look Like?
Avoiding discomfort often stems from a natural instinct to protect our children—and ourselves—from pain, uncertainty, or struggle. It can manifest in several ways:
Distracting a child during a tantrum instead of sitting with their emotions.
Giving in to their demands to avoid a meltdown.
Fixing every problem for them to shield them from failure.
While these reactions come from a place of love, they often create long-term challenges. Discomfort, however unpleasant, is essential for growth. Avoiding it can hinder our children’s ability to build resilience and problem-solving skills—and limit our own development as parents.
6 Key Areas Where Parents Tend to Avoid Discomfort
Here are six common areas where discomfort often shows up in parenting—and why embracing it matters:
1. Managing Big Emotions (Theirs and Ours)
Have you ever distracted your child from a tantrum or tears to avoid dealing with their emotional outburst? This is a common response, but it can teach children to suppress their feelings rather than process them.
Instead, try acknowledging their emotions:
“I see you’re feeling frustrated. That’s okay—it’s a normal feeling to have.”
This teaches them emotional intelligence and lets them know their feelings are valid.
2. Setting Boundaries
It’s tempting to avoid enforcing boundaries, especially when faced with pushback or meltdowns. But healthy boundaries are essential for your child’s emotional security and development.
For example, if your child is resisting bedtime, sticking to a consistent routine—even when it feels hard—helps them thrive in the long term. Remember, a secure attachment isn’t fragile; it can withstand temporary discomfort.
3. Allowing Mistakes and Struggles
From opening a yoghurt pot to learning how to pour water into a cup, children learn through trial and error. Resisting the urge to step in and “fix” things allows them to build independence and resilience.
Yes, there will be messes—and yes, they’ll likely spill water several times before mastering it. But those moments of discomfort are crucial learning opportunities.
4. Navigating Social Pressures
Many parents feel pressure to conform to societal norms, whether it’s co-sleeping, enforcing strict rules, or ensuring every child gets a turn at the party game. But parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all.
Ask yourself:
Does this choice align with my values?
Does it work for my family?
5. Addressing Sensitive Topics
Conversations about death, sex, racism, or mental health can feel daunting, but avoiding these discussions can leave children unprepared for real-life challenges. Start with age-appropriate language, and don’t worry about getting it perfect. What matters most is that you create an open, safe space for your child to learn and ask questions.
6. Letting Go of Control
It’s natural to want to guide your child’s every move, but micromanaging can lead to stress for both of you. Instead, trust their ability to navigate small challenges and make age-appropriate decisions. This builds their confidence and reduces their reliance on external validation.
Personal Story: Facing Discomfort Head-On
Recently, I had to navigate my eight-year-old’s transition away from thumb-sucking—a comforting habit she’d relied on since infancy. It wasn’t easy. Setting boundaries, managing her big emotions, and staying consistent despite her resistance tested me in ways I hadn’t expected.
But by leaning into the discomfort, holding firm to the boundary with empathy, and allowing her to process her emotions, we achieved a breakthrough. Ten days later, she proudly declared, “Mum, I don’t need the gloves anymore. I’m so proud of myself!”
This experience reminded me that discomfort isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of growth. And when we model this mindset for our children, they learn they can overcome challenges too.
Why Embracing Discomfort Matters
Avoiding discomfort provides short-term relief but often leads to long-term challenges. By leaning into the hard moments, we teach our children that:
All emotions are valid and manageable.
Mistakes and struggles are opportunities for growth.
Healthy boundaries create security and trust.
For parents, embracing discomfort fosters resilience, deepens connections with our children, and helps us grow into the confident leaders our kids need.
Final Thoughts: Lean Into Discomfort with Empathy
Parenting is a journey of constant growth, and discomfort is part of that process. By acknowledging and embracing it, we create space for resilience, connection, and understanding—for both ourselves and our children.
As Brené Brown beautifully puts it:
"My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty—love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity."
So, the next time discomfort arises, lean in with empathy and a growth mindset. You’ve got this—and so do your kids.
Let’s Continue the Conversation
If this blog resonated with you, please share it with a fellow parent who might benefit from these insights. Have thoughts or questions? Just reach out—I’d love to hear from you!
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